I wish my energy came from the sun

If you know Melissa Wren, and you asked her what kind of person I was she might have a beaming review of how awesome I am...or at least I would hope. However, if you got to talking to her enough she might tell you I have a lot of pride. Now, me saying someone else says I have a lot of pride and me saying I have pride are two different things. A long time I have said I do not have as much pride as I perceive to give off. Tonight, however, at dinner I was talking to my parents and I was relating to them the story of how I burned my finger. I had just learned how to use a soldering iron and I had put using a soldering iron into my using oxy/acetylene for welding schema. This meant I was now thinking I could easily pass the iron from hand to hand, but you cannot. You see a soldering iron only has one small place to grip that does not get very hot, and when I passed the soldering iron from my left hand to my right hand I grabbed the iron on a very hot spot. We were told to make sure we pay attention to what we do in order to not burn ourselves THAT night.

I felt like an idiot. I therefore proceeded to tell everyone I had made a rookie mistake and burned myself and then proceeded to the water fountain to get my burn washed...wait, no that is not what I did. I told no one. I looked at it, and I assessed it was not a life threatening injury. I decided I did not want to look like an idiot, and I waited till later to run some cold water on my burn.

Tonight, I told my parents I have a lot of pride. I do not like looking like an idiot, and I do not want to be perceived as an idiot. This is from my prideful nature. I had for a long time I thought I was different from most people or men. I am not sure which group I should put pride into since I cannot speak for women. Anyway I said to myself I am different. I am not prideful, but humble. I am not like most men in a lot of ways, but the more I grow older the more I realize I am. I may have four sisters, but I still have a y chromosome.

I now stand (or type) before my peers on the internet as someone who admits he is prideful. He has too much pride sometimes. I do not like being wrong or worse being proven wrong. I do not like to admit I made a wrong decision. I do not want to be in the wrong. I want to be perceived as being right. I want people to think I have the answers. I get my energy from the sun, I am superman. Flawless. Or I want to appear nearly flawless. Somehow I think that I will be appealing as a person to more people. This is not the time to drag out my skeletons (nor will I ever do that on the internet, remember that pride thing), but i will admit one of my attributes which manifests itself as a flaw sometimes.

The finger burning thing is a small example, but I could bring up how in past relationships I would not have admitted to having any blame or fault for as why they did not work out. Pride. I sometimes did and still do I guess have a hard time admitting if my project or artwork is not the best in a group when it was clear it was not. Pride. I do not like working in groups with people who I do not know very well. Pride. The list goes on. I am prideful.

I ask for your forgiveness because a small part of me knows I should be more humble. I should not be caught up in how cool I am perceived or this or that. However, you can feel assured that if I do seem arrogant and very bravado around you I am probably very comfortable with you as my friend. Although, I tell myself I don't truly believe the things I boast about I like to say them for (hopeful) comedic affect. Unless you talk to Melissa. In which case I do believe every egotistic thing that comes out of my mouth. I hope the truth is somewhere in the middle.

So long and farewell